Understand the language of love, not question it
It’s just tired’’, said a friend with regards to starting a new relationship, after enduring a disastrous one not long ago.
It’s just tired’’, said a friend with regards to starting a new relationship, after enduring a disastrous one not long ago.
This friend of mine has rarely been in a
relationship and when he is in it, he is meant to be serious. Listening to his
ordeals, I could really feel for him because I think calling off a bad
relationship is way better off than struggling and stuck with it.
At the end of the day, feeling happy and
contented with what we are doing matters most. Regardless of being committed in an intimate relationship or platonic one, they can still end up in tears if
either way doesn't feel it right.
Then again, it brings us back to the very
beginning of a blossoming relationship. It just tastes so sweet and we could
hardly notice any flaw in our partner because everything just seems so ‘perfect’.
And it do wonders how many relationship can stand the test of time with the lifestyles revolution we'd seen today.
When I asked my friend KC, who often has polygamous relationships and whom I perceive of having good ‘knowledge’ in this
area. He said: ‘‘To make yourself and others less stressful, you must learn the
way of forgiving and see not only the bad aspects of your partner.’’
In a way that I didn't expect, that made
sense. By putting this in another way, we have been saying that tolerance is
the key to happiness. Today, we are still saying it. Sometimes all it requires
is some effort and disciplines.
And on cheating spouses? Then just leave
them alone and go on with your life, he remarked.
Having said that, KC thinks when the apple
is showing signs of rot, the spoils are almost as irreparable. It may sound
easier than said but the stigma of getting rid of a rotten apple is better than
obsequiously sucking up to it, isn't it?
Honesty, sensitivity
and sensibility are all important qualities in love. Without one of them, a
relationship may not feel that perfect. This
is why we see many people striving to ‘fit’ themselves into the categories
which people find likeable.
Sometimes in an argument, the fit of anger
could hardly keep those cutting words and hurtful actions from us under
restraint. Suddenly we have all the emotions that get over us and eventually
they wipe out the qualities we wished to have.
Of course, it does not mean we cannot get
angry over misunderstandings and conflicts in a relationship but does getting
frustrated solve problems?
No matter it is in a relationship or
something else, we are always in a journey of growth. When we find our first
relationship does not work, we will make sure the second to be better.
Our
anger management is equally important in a relationship too, if you can
appreciate the virtue of being affable enough. Ever noticed when a person gradually
change and become mellower as he grow older? That’s the point.
As we grow and change, our definition of
managing temper may shift.
I have always thought that love and care
go hand in hand, in fact they do not. We may love someone, but they may feel smothered.
Then, our love is not effectively translated into care by them.
So it comes to a question how to make
someone feel loved and being taken care of at the same time?
What about an ideal relationship? Does it
really exist? I have repeatedly asked myself for more time than I can remember.
Many people would associate having an ideal relationship with absolute economically stable environments.
Many people would associate having an ideal relationship with absolute economically stable environments.
After years of close ‘surveillance’ and
observations, I realized love may not necessarily evolve with pecuniary value –
at all. At least, there is still an element other than money that can make all
the difference – sincerity.
Sincerity can mean a lot. When we feel
sincerity in a conversation or someone’s behavior towards us, we are more
inclined to treat that person in the same manner. It is sincerity that makes us
feel valued and important to someone. All in all, sincerity goes a long way.
Xandra Ooi, wrote in her column Sights and
Sound, being an attractive person can mean having the qualities people find
adorable.
In other words, we are the one who determines what kind of person we want to be. There is constantly a scale in our mind that measures the parameter of our merit.
In other words, we are the one who determines what kind of person we want to be. There is constantly a scale in our mind that measures the parameter of our merit.
My friend Jayden, who recently told me
about his spectacular experiences living in Paris over the past three years, he
shared that he’d met with dozens of people out there but he would not just settle
down with a woman ingenuously because he want to get married.
‘‘I don’t want to live under illusion, I will
only settle down once I find someone who share mutual interests and are willing
to accept what kind of person I am in reality’’, he pointed out.
I have come to the conclusion that apart from
the few decent qualities needed in a relationship, being sincere certainly
outshines the idea of a moneyed-domineering ties alone. Most importantly, is
finding the right impetus, at the right place and time.
By: Vincent Ti