#11 You are not Nobody, You are Somebody

We should recognize and acknowledge our talents, only to have the capability to fully unleash the true potentials hidden within us

     It was at one typical Sunday morning, I woke up super-early just to catch the sunrise on the hilly terrains of a golf course.

Gazing up at the skies, I was pondering how great it would be if everyone could choose what type of person they are, how they wanted to be – at the first place. Because if we do, we would not have all the excuses to blame on the root of the problems in the event things go extremely wrong.

Wouldn't it be amazing if we have all the great chances that come from every part, every corner of world, and they pop up right in front of us? Just like the air around us, surrounded by vast spaces and have a limitless extent of boundary.

But life is not a bed of roses; we cannot just imagine how fortunes will come without us practically striving for it. Just like the prospect of the money falling from the skies, it is virtually impossible. If we do not appreciate the values of the opportunity whenever it comes to us, that elusive moment would then be a foregone conclusion.

Most of us do not plan to fail, but fail to plan. I found this phrase from an abstract of a book and it gave me enlightenment on the importance of self-value in a person.

All of us have our own strengths and weaknesses. Growing up in different environment and culture, everyone do have the unique strengths that play in their hands. Meanwhile, I feel most of us do have one weakness in common. It is the inability to pinpoint and understand what type of person we are indeed. We seldom know what we want and what to expect from others.

Just as the phrase mentioned goes, most of us fail to plan. The failure in planning is in the sense we feel dishearten when people criticize us, we feel what others say are truer than what we think. Why is this so? It is because we lack the understanding of our key capabilities and inabilities. Our mental approach plays an integral part when we receive feedbacks about us. If we do not know what type of person we are, when somebody talk something bad about us, we tend to believe in. We magnify the weaknesses in our own eyes. In such circumstances, it is viewed as a self-destruction behavior.

On the contrary, if we know our strengths and weaknesses well, we know the how-to to deal effectively with criticisms.

Remember? When we are kids, our parents still encourage us even though make mistakes. But the moment we grow up and stepped into the society, nobody will care about us just like how our parents did.

In the working world, everyone seemed to be so materialistic and power hungry. They will find even the tiniest of flaws in our work and make us feel extremely bad. In fact, it is worth realizing the fact that not all the comments made by our bosses or colleagues on us are necessarily the right call.

Strange but true, our mindsets and perception constantly affect the way of our thinking. For example, if we think we are capable enough to complete a task, we are certainly up to it. At the end of the day, it is the belief that determines the fruit of success.

Knowing how-to and really putting your hands to do something are entirely different agendas. If you know how to operate a machine, it does not mean you know the loops and holes in it because you do not use it. Although you do not have first-hand knowledge on that machine but still try to explore the gimmicks behind it, would put you in a better situation than the former’s case.

Similarly, if we know our key strengths already, why not we maximize our talents in that specific area? We do not want to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Because if we are specialized in cooking, definitely we should not go for baking classes. Just like how an exponential graph look like, the longer you take to realize your strengths, the distance between you and your goals grow multiple folds.

One of the happiest things that ever happened to us would be the people around us are aware of our existence. They are aware of how important we are and how great the impacts we bring to their lives.

Being able to achieve that is already worth millions of Christmas. If you feel you are already in that category or more than that, then congratulations! You can pop your confetti because it gives you something good to celebrate.

By: Vincent Ti

#10 Take a Deep Breath and Recite

The feelings of sorrow can be hard to bear, give it a go and appreciate what we have for now

     There are always ups and downs in everyone’s life. We cannot predict what will happen tomorrow because if we do, everything will be foreseeable.

Research found that drinking coffee keeps the brain cells healthy,
so the next time you get mad at somebody,
sit down and take a sip of coffee and relax

Similarly, when we get to know someone, we do not have any knowledge on that person’s background. We do not know what is up in the minds of that person. It is imperative to have reservations and not to treat a person with all our heart until we find them trustful and dependable.

Just as my mother constantly cautioned me, my lack of patience is the foremost of my transgression. I am reckless, impatient and impetuous when dealing with things. When dealing with people, I often lose my patience when I see someone not doing things up to my standards. I lose my temper most of the time, and, as a result, the people who work with me find me so ‘uncool’.

     

If that statement was proven to be correct, then I am bad in dealing with people whom I entirely not familiar with. Because of my impatience, things would have turned awry given my poor management in the PR. Whatever it is, gone are the days where I always shout at the others that often led to more ensuing arguments. I started to realize that anger management is very important and lashing out at someone is not a wise option either. 

So when we feel angry the next time, take a deep breath. Try to calm down by finding something to do which we find them pleasing and enjoyable. Remember, we should not let trivial matters let us down. There are more people that need our attention, just like our family members. We should not invest too much of our time and energy on something that hardly reap any dividend. Think of our parents and family members who care at us the most.

By: Vincent Ti

#9 Be Afraid of Dark

     The word ‘love’ can stand for several different meanings if we search for it in the dictionary. One of the most common meanings for that word can represent the feeling of a warm personal attachment or deep affection, towards our parents, friends or even our life partner.

But what if our feeling of ‘love’ towards someone falls on deaf ears by them? Should we carry on with that commitment which we initially believe it will work in reality or should we just forget about it and goes on with life? Talks are always easier than done. In fact, when a person is entangled in a one-sided relationship, the sense of helplessness, confusion and perplexity are often more than a bitter pill to swallow.

Believe me, a true relationship always require genuine connection, attachment and involvement from both parties. A one-sided relationship will never last for long, if it does not fail.

Personally, I am not an expert in relationship but you cannot call me a dumb in this area for what I have experienced during these few years. I vividly remembered my father told me that every first love will most probably not last forever. Neither one can find his or her eventual life partner in their first attempt of love.

To put everything into perspective, if we truly want to make our first love works, we certainly have to pull our socks up in order for that relationship to prevail.

Also, in a relationship, there is a cruel fact that does not guarantee all our hard work and efforts being poured in will be rewarded with reciprocal action by the opposite. At a certain point in our relationship, we will inevitably feel aggrieved by the lack of response from our partner.

We always feel that as long as we have done our every best, our partner can feel it eventually. In reality, only our opposite half knows better if they can sense our contribution and commitment towards them.

Here the problem comes, in a relationship, when we feel that we have given our 100%, we expect our partner to do the same. 

What if the so-called ‘100%’ is just returned with 50% or 60% back to us? What if our partner tells us that he or she thinks there is someone else in his or her mind apart from us? Feeling angry and unappreciated?

If you ask me what would be my action, I can just say that I will divide my opinion into two versions in handling the problem, depending on the existing situations, ways of communication between a couple and a multitude of factors.

For the first option, we can speak and discuss directly to our partner regarding the problem to sort out the ideal solution together. But what if our partner still could not make up the mind in the end?

Are we going to get real mad about it and slam the door before walking away? At most of the time, this is not the right way to vent our frustrations as it may result in a more horrendous aftermath.

For the second option, we explore something which is absolutely contrary to the aforementioned method. I strongly feel that the former involves anger, hatred and jealousy at most of the time. Yes, it is true that it may work on certain people but when facing with a mild mannered and undecided type of person, it backfires.

In using the second method, it strongly requires patience and an awful lot of dedication from a person. Just ask yourself: ‘Am I really love that person?’ If you think that person is worth waiting for, then just let it be and give some time for our partner to decide.

    

The biggest fear in a relationship is when facing with the trauma of broken heart. The feeling of agony, anguish and hurt are identical to a shattered glass. Once the glass is broken, we can hardly join them back as if it is in its original state. In my first relationship, when facing with argument or even knowing that the opposite was committing infidelity at the back of me, I felt OK because I realized it was not worth feeling sad for a woman I do not love.

In my second relationship, which is also the current one, my heart cries when I learn that I could not completely win my girlfriend’s heart over ‘just’ because she has someone else whom she think she could not give up.

I felt lost and was suffering from emotional pain at certain point, again and again. Just as I mentioned earlier in this post, there is always no guarantee of return for all our efforts, no matter how hard the struggle is in the process. In the end, the commitment could rendered meaningless if the opposite does not see the actual values of it, including love. Looking back at what had happened, I was pretty perplexed with the astonishing fact that I could even put up with my girlfriend over some fiery arguments in the past weeks.

Call it kismet or what; I started to agree upon a statement made by a profound figure I met a few years ago. If something that really belongs to us, it stays with us forever. If something does not belong to us, no matter how hard we fight for it, it would not stay with us either.

The same rule applies to a relationship, if someone is destined to be with us, there is no way for our partner and us to stay apart. Therefore, there is no point to force a relationship to go on when both parties find themselves unhappy over each other’s companion.

It is true that suffering from constant heartache in a relationship will cast a shadow in our conscience. It is true that suffering from a love failure may impede and hold us back and to have reservation for another relationship in the future. It is all true because we felt as if we have fallen deep down into a tunnel, covered with no lights, all the darkness…

How should I describe all the feelings and translate all of them into words? I wonder.

Perhaps if we look at the bright side would probably bring some relief in the sense of gaining more experience for our future relationship. There is no point to fill our mindsets with negativity. After all, it does not bring any benefits to our daily lives. Because it is just a matter of time before we can find our way out of the dark tunnel, isn't it?

As the title of this post suggests – be afraid of dark. It should not be misinterpret as we should be afraid after we fall to the ground in our first attempt of walking. Our feet hurt when we fall, but it is a matter of how we can prevent it from happening again as in the same manner in the first fall.

To learn smarter and be more careful in our steps will be the key that prevents us from making the same mistakes that led us to the first fall. As a whole, if we are to avoid the painful experiences we had today, we should remember the pain and suffering they bring to us.

Look at the bright side. Forget about the past and focus on the future. We cannot make adjustments to anything that had happened but we can make the road ahead of us better. Nothing is impossible because there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

By: Vincent Ti