#23 From Paris with Love

Understand the language of love, not question it

     It’s just tired’’, said a friend with regards to starting a new relationship, after enduring a disastrous one not long ago.

     This friend of mine has rarely been in a relationship and when he is in it, he is meant to be serious. Listening to his ordeals, I could really feel for him because I think calling off a bad relationship is way better off than struggling and stuck with it.

    At the end of the day, feeling happy and contented with what we are doing matters most. Regardless of being committed in an intimate relationship or platonic one, they can still end up in tears if either way doesn't feel it right.

     Then again, it brings us back to the very beginning of a blossoming relationship. It just tastes so sweet and we could hardly notice any flaw in our partner because everything just seems so ‘perfect’. And it do wonders how many relationship can stand the test of time with the lifestyles revolution we'd seen today.

     When I asked my friend KC, who often has polygamous relationships and whom I perceive of having good ‘knowledge’ in this area. He said: ‘‘To make yourself and others less stressful, you must learn the way of forgiving and see not only the bad aspects of your partner.’’

      In a way that I didn't expect, that made sense. By putting this in another way, we have been saying that tolerance is the key to happiness. Today, we are still saying it. Sometimes all it requires is some effort and disciplines.

       And on cheating spouses? Then just leave them alone and go on with your life, he remarked.

     Having said that, KC thinks when the apple is showing signs of rot, the spoils are almost as irreparable. It may sound easier than said but the stigma of getting rid of a rotten apple is better than obsequiously sucking up to it, isn't it?

     Honesty, sensitivity and sensibility are all important qualities in love. Without one of them, a relationship may not feel that perfect. This is why we see many people striving to ‘fit’ themselves into the categories which people find likeable.

     

     Sometimes in an argument, the fit of anger could hardly keep those cutting words and hurtful actions from us under restraint. Suddenly we have all the emotions that get over us and eventually they wipe out the qualities we wished to have.

     Of course, it does not mean we cannot get angry over misunderstandings and conflicts in a relationship but does getting frustrated solve problems?

      No matter it is in a relationship or something else, we are always in a journey of growth. When we find our first relationship does not work, we will make sure the second to be better.

     Our anger management is equally important in a relationship too, if you can appreciate the virtue of being affable enough. Ever noticed when a person gradually change and become mellower as he grow older? That’s the point.

       As we grow and change, our definition of managing temper may shift.

     I have always thought that love and care go hand in hand, in fact they do not. We may love someone, but they may feel smothered. Then, our love is not effectively translated into care by them.

     So it comes to a question how to make someone feel loved and being taken care of at the same time?

     What about an ideal relationship? Does it really exist? I have repeatedly asked myself for more time than I can remember. 

     Many people would associate having an ideal relationship with absolute economically stable environments.

      After years of close ‘surveillance’ and observations, I realized love may not necessarily evolve with pecuniary value – at all. At least, there is still an element other than money that can make all the difference – sincerity.

     Sincerity can mean a lot. When we feel sincerity in a conversation or someone’s behavior towards us, we are more inclined to treat that person in the same manner. It is sincerity that makes us feel valued and important to someone. All in all, sincerity goes a long way.

      Xandra Ooi, wrote in her column Sights and Sound, being an attractive person can mean having the qualities people find adorable.

     In other words, we are the one who determines what kind of person we want to be. There is constantly a scale in our mind that measures the parameter of our merit.

      My friend Jayden, who recently told me about his spectacular experiences living in Paris over the past three years, he shared that he’d met with dozens of people out there but he would not just settle down with a woman ingenuously because he want to get married.

     ‘‘I don’t want to live under illusion, I will only settle down once I find someone who share mutual interests and are willing to accept what kind of person I am in reality’’, he pointed out.

     I have come to the conclusion that apart from the few decent qualities needed in a relationship, being sincere certainly outshines the idea of a moneyed-domineering ties alone. Most importantly, is finding the right impetus, at the right place and time.

By: Vincent Ti

#22 Good Ninja, Bad Ninja

Good or bad? It's ninja on the go

     Recently, I witnessed an out of ordinary incident in the form of my sister, Christine.

     Never in my life I would have imagined she will spend her time watching a movie of sci-fi genre, even for once.

     Frankly speaking, Christine is not someone who would surf the net to catch the latest variety show or catching up with some movies in the evening.

     I remembered I was completely taken by surprise when I saw the movie she was watching is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

     The notion of doing something totally not her cup of tea only add intrigue and suspense to the entire scenario. Out of curiosity, I decided to check the answers out for myself. And a series of interrogation finally assuaged my doubts.

     Christine said the reason she watch the movie was nothing special, but the story-narrating and screenplay of it are simply incredible. Although some characters in the movie are generated by CGI, they still look real and comical, she added.

     As our conversation developed, we talked about the characters in the movie as well as their traits. 

     Funnily enough, Christine said she thought the four anthropomorphic turtles in the movie are the bad guys initially. Because they are wearing coloured masks that covered part of their faces, they could be easily mistaken as antagonists, she bemoaned.

     I could not help but laughed all the way at her ineptitude while explaining that the turtles are somehow the heroes in the movie, responsible for combating crimes and fighting against evil overlords.

     In hindsight, Christine could only nodded her head as she gave a disdainful remark for the realization…

By: Vincent Ti

#21 The Return of Happy Fruit

The sense of déjà vu strikes after missing the boat

This is the place where Happy Fruit is raised and belong to

     Among all the topics that came across my mind, I found talking about personal feelings is what fascinates me the most.

     Regular readers of this column would probably be nodding indulgently (or sceptically) at the frequency of my discussions in that subject. In fact, from the moment of birth, we are already good at making our feelings known.

     Whether being happy, excited, disappointed or even angry, we consign the inner feelings as part of our facial expressions or in the form of words. It does not mean we vent our frustrations in front of others when we are mad but being able to share our thoughts truly provides the delicate balance in life.

     I remember I wrote an article for a school column a few years ago. It centers on the change and challenges most teenagers would face in adolescence. 

     Here is an extract of the article which I would like to share with the readers of this blog.

   At age five, we talk about everything.

   At age 10, we talk a lot.

   At age 15, we talk nothing.

   At age 20, we talk a little bit.

   At age 25, we talk a lot.

   At age 30, we wish we could turn back the time.

     We missed quite a lot of time in keeping quiet.

     When I first wrote it a couple of years back, I was pretty amused by the irony of it and how true those statements can be. It is interesting to note that our thinking evolves as we mature.

     At age five, we have little hesitation to what we say because we treat everyone around us like friends. Slowly, when we enter out teenage years we feel too unnecessary to deal around and make friends. At age 30, we feel regret.

     We regret because we become adults and could not enjoy the privileges once students will have. But, if there are some pros of reaching adulthood, they are the notion of becoming more independent and reliable.

     Unless you delve deep into a teenager’s mind, you would not have envisaged the way the Gen-Y think. Most of the time you will find them defiant and difficult to communicate with.

     And a term has been coined to describe how different a teenager can be compared to an adult – rebellious phase.

     I used to laugh at my mother how much she loved to attend carnival funfairs, cinemas and public exhibitions. She argued those events can be meaningful and memorable, the atmosphere at a funfair, for example, has seldom come short of entertainment, excitement and joy.

     Although my mother is not an enthusiast of roller-coaster rides that flung people into the air upside-down, she remained an avid buff for side stalls and games in carnivals.

     Living in the 21^st century, a bigger technological gap has occurred between the young people of today and in the past. We had rather spend time on phone playing the roller-coaster games than going all the way to taste the wild, exhilarating rides as ever.

     Yes, we are always in the process of learning and growing. At certain point of our lives, we may feel how stupid we had been in some cases. The ability to reflect and show remorse is part of maturity in human.

     Just as the old saying goes, there are only two inevitabilities in life: death and taxes. However just as inevitable, is the process of knowing ourselves better as we grow. It may not be as straightforward as it seems, however, as time is the only tool for morphing a person to become better.

     If the idea of revitalization exists, then the idea of rejuvenation also presents. I wanted to do ONE thing for many months. I want to achieve my goals, I want to be a better person, for the sake of my family and friends, I want to live every day in happiness.

By: Vincent Ti

#20 Science of Stupidity

     In an evening, a group of friends is playing soccer at the field within their neighbourhood.

       A guy wearing the No.10 shirt, Jacky, dribbles the ball as he kicks it along the field. The enemy players close in on the ball carrier and try to steal the ball away from him.

     Jacky squeezes past the wall of players and sprints down the field towards the goalkeeper, and, he kicks the ball high to the top left corner. 

     The goalkeeper goes full stretch to catch the ball but it ends up in the net eventually. There it is, GOAL!!!

   
     Soon later, the game ends. The scoreboard reads 3-2, Jacky’s team wins. Jacky heads to the bicycle rack to take his bike and ride it along the street for home.

     As he reaches his home, a sudden rush of awakening pops up in Jacky’s mind. He forgot to tidy up his room as instructed by his mother before leaving home in the morning.

     Knowing how long-winded and the endlessly nagging will erupt from experience, he got an idea. Jacky fumbles for the house key in his pocket, then he silently unlocks the door before entering the living room as inconspicuous as he could.

     There is no one right at there except for the teddy bear resting in front of the running TV. In haste, Jacky tiptoes and walk up the staircase hoping that no one would realize he has come home.

     ‘‘JACKY!!!’’ An effeminate voice comes behind him all of a sudden.

     ‘‘Oh, not this time!’’ Jacky bemoans in distress.

     He turns his back only to see his sister frowns as she see Jacky steps into the house with his bedraggled and muddy feet.

     ‘‘I have just mop the floor, if you ever do that again you will be in trouble’’

     ‘‘Yes, Ma’am.’’

     Jacky enters his room and finds it at sixes and sevens as if it has not been cleaned for years. What a mess!

     He looks through the whole room for the wristwatch he is about to don for tomorrow’s important presentation. He finds in his drawer, it is not there. He finds on his desk, it is not there either. He continues to search for his favourite watch in his wardrobe, to no avail.

     In frustration, Jacky kicks the wardrobe and a piece of greeting card drops out from it. He picks up the card and find the contents that remind him of the day he is supposed to meet up with his first love, Cheryl, who went abroad for studying in the UK three years ago.

     And today is the exact day Cheryl will be touching down, to make their first date in three years more meaningful, they have agreed to meet up at their famous ‘‘old place’’. What a rousing awakening for him in a day, yet again.

     Jacky looks up at the wall clock in his room, there is still an hour left for him to prepare before the most important date in his life, at seven.

     Without much ado, he washes himself up and put on a vintage denim sweater above a pair of bell-bottom, that type reminiscent of the 80s rock ‘n’ roll.

     ‘Sis, don’t prepare my dinner tonight. And I’ll be late for home as well.’’ Jacky calls in haste and slams the door. By seven, he reaches the well-known local classic restaurant serving authentic French cuisine that he used to have memorable times with Cheryl together during their high-school days.

      As usual, Jacky picks the place at the far-end edge of the veranda as he waits in astonishment. Every second in the tickling clock feel like spending time in the sauna, the feeling of agitation and restlessness grows rapidly in time.

     Plenty of thoughts swirl in his mind, from the doubt whether Cheryl will turn up to the apprehension of any possible mistakes in conversations, constitute to his anxiety after their three-year hiatus.

     The moment of craze finally come. Cheryl, in a deep blue velvet dress turns up in front of Jacky. Nothing much he could do except for his fluttering lips and trembling legs.

     ‘‘Hi, long time no see. How are you doing?’’ Jacky greets while extending his hand. Cheryl takes it.

      ‘‘Yes, I’m pretty fine’’. Cheryl replies in heavy English slang with grin.

     In the conversations, they find they still have a lot in common and nothing has changed even though they have not met for years. The chatters ensue as if there is no tomorrow.

     The story does not tell us of how an old relationship rekindles, of course. The main point is, however, tells us of how simple we can become actually. Sometimes, all we need is to learn from the way how Jacky and Cheryl view the world beyond them: treat everything in front of us with clarity. Simplicity in life is not gained through plain talk but is governed by the actions that eliminate cryptic. Eliminate complexity and be simple, not become the labour of it.

By: Vincent Ti