#23 From Paris with Love

Understand the language of love, not question it

     It’s just tired’’, said a friend with regards to starting a new relationship, after enduring a disastrous one not long ago.

     This friend of mine has rarely been in a relationship and when he is in it, he is meant to be serious. Listening to his ordeals, I could really feel for him because I think calling off a bad relationship is way better off than struggling and stuck with it.

    At the end of the day, feeling happy and contented with what we are doing matters most. Regardless of being committed in an intimate relationship or platonic one, they can still end up in tears if either way doesn't feel it right.

     Then again, it brings us back to the very beginning of a blossoming relationship. It just tastes so sweet and we could hardly notice any flaw in our partner because everything just seems so ‘perfect’. And it do wonders how many relationship can stand the test of time with the lifestyles revolution we'd seen today.

     When I asked my friend KC, who often has polygamous relationships and whom I perceive of having good ‘knowledge’ in this area. He said: ‘‘To make yourself and others less stressful, you must learn the way of forgiving and see not only the bad aspects of your partner.’’

      In a way that I didn't expect, that made sense. By putting this in another way, we have been saying that tolerance is the key to happiness. Today, we are still saying it. Sometimes all it requires is some effort and disciplines.

       And on cheating spouses? Then just leave them alone and go on with your life, he remarked.

     Having said that, KC thinks when the apple is showing signs of rot, the spoils are almost as irreparable. It may sound easier than said but the stigma of getting rid of a rotten apple is better than obsequiously sucking up to it, isn't it?

     Honesty, sensitivity and sensibility are all important qualities in love. Without one of them, a relationship may not feel that perfect. This is why we see many people striving to ‘fit’ themselves into the categories which people find likeable.

     

     Sometimes in an argument, the fit of anger could hardly keep those cutting words and hurtful actions from us under restraint. Suddenly we have all the emotions that get over us and eventually they wipe out the qualities we wished to have.

     Of course, it does not mean we cannot get angry over misunderstandings and conflicts in a relationship but does getting frustrated solve problems?

      No matter it is in a relationship or something else, we are always in a journey of growth. When we find our first relationship does not work, we will make sure the second to be better.

     Our anger management is equally important in a relationship too, if you can appreciate the virtue of being affable enough. Ever noticed when a person gradually change and become mellower as he grow older? That’s the point.

       As we grow and change, our definition of managing temper may shift.

     I have always thought that love and care go hand in hand, in fact they do not. We may love someone, but they may feel smothered. Then, our love is not effectively translated into care by them.

     So it comes to a question how to make someone feel loved and being taken care of at the same time?

     What about an ideal relationship? Does it really exist? I have repeatedly asked myself for more time than I can remember. 

     Many people would associate having an ideal relationship with absolute economically stable environments.

      After years of close ‘surveillance’ and observations, I realized love may not necessarily evolve with pecuniary value – at all. At least, there is still an element other than money that can make all the difference – sincerity.

     Sincerity can mean a lot. When we feel sincerity in a conversation or someone’s behavior towards us, we are more inclined to treat that person in the same manner. It is sincerity that makes us feel valued and important to someone. All in all, sincerity goes a long way.

      Xandra Ooi, wrote in her column Sights and Sound, being an attractive person can mean having the qualities people find adorable.

     In other words, we are the one who determines what kind of person we want to be. There is constantly a scale in our mind that measures the parameter of our merit.

      My friend Jayden, who recently told me about his spectacular experiences living in Paris over the past three years, he shared that he’d met with dozens of people out there but he would not just settle down with a woman ingenuously because he want to get married.

     ‘‘I don’t want to live under illusion, I will only settle down once I find someone who share mutual interests and are willing to accept what kind of person I am in reality’’, he pointed out.

     I have come to the conclusion that apart from the few decent qualities needed in a relationship, being sincere certainly outshines the idea of a moneyed-domineering ties alone. Most importantly, is finding the right impetus, at the right place and time.

By: Vincent Ti