#9 Be Afraid of Dark

     The word ‘love’ can stand for several different meanings if we search for it in the dictionary. One of the most common meanings for that word can represent the feeling of a warm personal attachment or deep affection, towards our parents, friends or even our life partner.

But what if our feeling of ‘love’ towards someone falls on deaf ears by them? Should we carry on with that commitment which we initially believe it will work in reality or should we just forget about it and goes on with life? Talks are always easier than done. In fact, when a person is entangled in a one-sided relationship, the sense of helplessness, confusion and perplexity are often more than a bitter pill to swallow.

Believe me, a true relationship always require genuine connection, attachment and involvement from both parties. A one-sided relationship will never last for long, if it does not fail.

Personally, I am not an expert in relationship but you cannot call me a dumb in this area for what I have experienced during these few years. I vividly remembered my father told me that every first love will most probably not last forever. Neither one can find his or her eventual life partner in their first attempt of love.

To put everything into perspective, if we truly want to make our first love works, we certainly have to pull our socks up in order for that relationship to prevail.

Also, in a relationship, there is a cruel fact that does not guarantee all our hard work and efforts being poured in will be rewarded with reciprocal action by the opposite. At a certain point in our relationship, we will inevitably feel aggrieved by the lack of response from our partner.

We always feel that as long as we have done our every best, our partner can feel it eventually. In reality, only our opposite half knows better if they can sense our contribution and commitment towards them.

Here the problem comes, in a relationship, when we feel that we have given our 100%, we expect our partner to do the same. 

What if the so-called ‘100%’ is just returned with 50% or 60% back to us? What if our partner tells us that he or she thinks there is someone else in his or her mind apart from us? Feeling angry and unappreciated?

If you ask me what would be my action, I can just say that I will divide my opinion into two versions in handling the problem, depending on the existing situations, ways of communication between a couple and a multitude of factors.

For the first option, we can speak and discuss directly to our partner regarding the problem to sort out the ideal solution together. But what if our partner still could not make up the mind in the end?

Are we going to get real mad about it and slam the door before walking away? At most of the time, this is not the right way to vent our frustrations as it may result in a more horrendous aftermath.

For the second option, we explore something which is absolutely contrary to the aforementioned method. I strongly feel that the former involves anger, hatred and jealousy at most of the time. Yes, it is true that it may work on certain people but when facing with a mild mannered and undecided type of person, it backfires.

In using the second method, it strongly requires patience and an awful lot of dedication from a person. Just ask yourself: ‘Am I really love that person?’ If you think that person is worth waiting for, then just let it be and give some time for our partner to decide.

    

The biggest fear in a relationship is when facing with the trauma of broken heart. The feeling of agony, anguish and hurt are identical to a shattered glass. Once the glass is broken, we can hardly join them back as if it is in its original state. In my first relationship, when facing with argument or even knowing that the opposite was committing infidelity at the back of me, I felt OK because I realized it was not worth feeling sad for a woman I do not love.

In my second relationship, which is also the current one, my heart cries when I learn that I could not completely win my girlfriend’s heart over ‘just’ because she has someone else whom she think she could not give up.

I felt lost and was suffering from emotional pain at certain point, again and again. Just as I mentioned earlier in this post, there is always no guarantee of return for all our efforts, no matter how hard the struggle is in the process. In the end, the commitment could rendered meaningless if the opposite does not see the actual values of it, including love. Looking back at what had happened, I was pretty perplexed with the astonishing fact that I could even put up with my girlfriend over some fiery arguments in the past weeks.

Call it kismet or what; I started to agree upon a statement made by a profound figure I met a few years ago. If something that really belongs to us, it stays with us forever. If something does not belong to us, no matter how hard we fight for it, it would not stay with us either.

The same rule applies to a relationship, if someone is destined to be with us, there is no way for our partner and us to stay apart. Therefore, there is no point to force a relationship to go on when both parties find themselves unhappy over each other’s companion.

It is true that suffering from constant heartache in a relationship will cast a shadow in our conscience. It is true that suffering from a love failure may impede and hold us back and to have reservation for another relationship in the future. It is all true because we felt as if we have fallen deep down into a tunnel, covered with no lights, all the darkness…

How should I describe all the feelings and translate all of them into words? I wonder.

Perhaps if we look at the bright side would probably bring some relief in the sense of gaining more experience for our future relationship. There is no point to fill our mindsets with negativity. After all, it does not bring any benefits to our daily lives. Because it is just a matter of time before we can find our way out of the dark tunnel, isn't it?

As the title of this post suggests – be afraid of dark. It should not be misinterpret as we should be afraid after we fall to the ground in our first attempt of walking. Our feet hurt when we fall, but it is a matter of how we can prevent it from happening again as in the same manner in the first fall.

To learn smarter and be more careful in our steps will be the key that prevents us from making the same mistakes that led us to the first fall. As a whole, if we are to avoid the painful experiences we had today, we should remember the pain and suffering they bring to us.

Look at the bright side. Forget about the past and focus on the future. We cannot make adjustments to anything that had happened but we can make the road ahead of us better. Nothing is impossible because there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

By: Vincent Ti